Remember To Feel Real
by xtherapyx
Summary: I saw the look of disgust on your face and I walked away. You didn’t come after me. Now I know how you felt. OneShot Songfic to Remember To Feel Real by Armor For Sleep


Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Armor For Sleep.

* * *

**Remember To Feel Real**

Here I am. At your door. Just staring at the spot that holds so many memories. Like the night I rushed you back to my house for both of our safety. Or the time I wasn't fake. Banting is a charm. Almost as charming as you. I have no more friends left at Degrassi except Marco. But everyone loves Marco- I couldn't let him go. Hazel, Jimmy, all of them were fake. And they didn't like me for who I was, but who I pretended to be.

_So here's the truth  
You were right all along  
They were never my friends and I was living a lie  
But I wont fall for it next time _

Sweetie, when you came into my life, so many things changed. I had someone I could be real around. I told everyone else I was real around them, when really I was being the fake-real me, if that makes any sense. I'm not even real around Marco that much. But you saw right through me.

_You figured me out  
I'm like a leaf in the wind_

Just when I was content with who I was, you came and changed it all. You kissed me. I'm convinced that to this day, you knew that we would end up together. I thought I knew myself. But then you came and changed everything.

_  
I try to find who I am but wind up lost in the end  
_

Truth is, I was always afraid of our relationship. I kept feeling like it was some sort of secret plot to ruin my alpha-girl status. To break me down and ruin me forever. Let's face it, our little drug escapade re-enforced that feeling.

_Sometimes it's hard to know what's real when your not _

When I was around you, I was different. Not when I was with you at school or around our other friends, but when it was just me and you. I was able to let everything fall off my shoulders. All that mattered was you and I and that exact moment. But at the mall, at school, at the Dot, at the movies- I put up my guard just in case anyone saw me. And it hurt.

'_Cause you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me  
But I'm sick of trying so hard  
_

"Paige?" Your voice startled me. I didn't expect to see you. "Alex…hey." Your face was blank and far out. I was still glad to see it. I stretched out my arms and hugged you. You nuzzled your face in my neck and I shivered at the feel of your breath. I missed that warmth. "Paige…you don't look all that great. Are you ok?" She asked when she pulled away. My hair was tied up and I was in jeans and a tank-top. No make-up.

_Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now  
_

I started crying and fell into your arms. "Paige…come inside. My mom and the Beast aren't here right now. They're in Vegas." I let her lead me into her room and sat down on the couch next to her. "Paige…when we broke-up, I felt like it was wrong but…now…I'm not sure I regret it." The words stung me and I cried a little harder. I got up and walked away. Out of her apartment. Out of her hallway. Out of her life.

_Don't give up, believe  
I'd wait it out for you  
_

I sat outside on a bench. I've never really sat on a bench before. It must've had something to do with the fact that I didn't want to get my clothes dirty. I could've cared less now though.

_Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now  
_

I sat there and cried. I wanted her to come out. Apologize for lying. I wanted her to let me talk to her about what was going on. I waited for an hour. She never came.

_Don't give up, believe  
I'd wait it out for you_

I walked through the mall and sat on another bench. The bench outside the CD store, also known as the place where we broke up. I sat there and stared at it. I wondered what would've happened if I had tried to stop her. But I didn't. "Paige?" I looked up. "Hazel…hi!" I plastered on a smile quickly. 

Everyday I'm just making my rounds  
Just digging a home 6 feet underground

"We haven't talked in forever! Come on- there's a big sale going on. Come with me." She grabbed my arm before I could answer. And the faking begins.

_Sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not_

Hazel was never a real friend. Not like you were. She was fake, just like me. That's what put us together. For the longest time it was real. I knew when you and I started dating that it was fake. 

'Cause you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me  
But I'm sick of trying so hard

We walked into the store and I looked at everything in front of me. Those clothes weren't me anymore. "Paige, you need to do some serious shopping!" She said as she looked at me. I rolled my eyes and walked away. I went to get a latte. You were there.

_Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now  
_

I started walking away. "Paige!" You caught up to me. "My shift is over. Let's go back to my place." I couldn't answer. I couldn't talk. I couldn't be with her. "No." "What?" She was shocked. "I'm not doing this Alex. You said you didn't want to be with me. I…I can't be around you if that's how you feel. I know I was fake and I know that most of the time I treated you like shit but…I'm sorry"

_Don't give up believe_

_I'd wait it out for you  
_

I saw the look of disgust on your face and I walked away. You didn't come after me. Now I know how you felt.

_Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now  
_

I went home and cried for hours. Dylan came in periodically to make sure I was ok, but I didn't budge. I pretended he wasn't there. Just like I did with you.

_Don't give up, believe  
I'd wait it out for you_

I went back to Banting. I found an apartment there. I'm living there now. I hate Degrassi and all it did for me. You, Spinner, Matt, Hazel, Rick…everyone. But for some reason, I came back again. 

Nothing's here for me  
Nothing's here for me  
Nothing's here for me but you

I stood outside the door to your apartment complex. It was raining. Then I saw you walking towards me. You were in a white tank top, black jeans, hoop earrings, a black hoodie (zipped half way), and large sun glasses resting on top of your head. You took one look at me.

Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now

"Can we talk?" "Come on in." You said blankly. I wish you would show some sort of emotion.

_Don't give up, believe  
I'd wait it out for you  
_

You started to open your mouth and I started talking before you could let a word out. "No Alex. I'm going to talk this time. I know I was fake, and I know you hated it. But…I'm a mess. I need you Alex. I know I'm a waste of your time but…that never mattered to you and it still shouldn't."

_Waste all your time with me  
I know I'm a mess right now  
_

You stared at me and rubbed your temples. You didn't know what to say. "If you believe in me Alex, I can do it. I can do anything when you believe in me."

_Don't give up, believe  
I'd wait it out for you _

I walked up to you and I kissed you passionately. "Well, when you put it that way."

_I'd wait it out for you  
I'd wait it out for you_


End file.
